Scots Humor
A Scot, an Irishman and an Englishman stood by the grave of a common friend.  The Irishman, in a gesture of impractical generosity, dropped a ten shilling note into the grave; the Englishman, not to be outdone, dropped a pound note and retrieved the ten shillings; the Scotsman in turn wrote a check for thirty shillings and pocketed the pound note.......
A Pole, with an unpronounceable name, wanted to try his hand at golf at St. Andrews.  Three times he asked the starter to put him down to play the next morning at ten, before he was told, "Ye'll come the day after tomorrow at eleven, and ye'll answer to the name o' Macpherson"
In a London street, two Highlanders stood looking at the imposing front of a large building.  The corner-stone bore the date in Roman characters, "MCMIV." 

"Look at that, Jock," said Sandy proudly, "Ah don't know what clan he come from, but he's got his name on one of the finest buildings in London.  You canna keep oor boys doon, can ye ?"

A farmer's wife, who was rather stingy with her whisky, was giving her shepherd a drink.  As she handed him his glass, she said it was extra good whisky, being fourteen years old. 

"Weel, mistress," said the shepherd regarding his glass sorrowfully, "It;s very small for its age."

Jock, a believer in old customs, was giving directions for his own funeral.  "Noo," he said to his sone, "ye'll gae roon' the entire company an' see that they ha'e a dram.  Syne ye'll gae roon' an' see that ha'e anither." 

Then he sighed and added, "An' as I'll no' be there mysel', I'll just ha'e mine the noo !"

An Englishman, roused by a Scot's scorn of his race, protested that he was born an Englishman and hoped to die an Englishman. 

"Man," scoffed the Scot, "hiv ye nae ambeetion?"

[Back to Stories Page]